Relationships…Ah how you puzzle me!

Yesterday my day ended with a very interesting conversation with one of my best friends. The topic?  Hah! One that has been spoken about for aeons 😉 , our friend, Love and Relationships!

My friend was reflecting on her outlook on relationships and love, eventually ending with the both of us deciding that we are not ready for either of these. One interesting issue we touched on was the fact that the couples we see around us seem to have this almost (for lack of a better word) forced, superficial image and behaviour. Don’t get me wrong, I know this sounds very prejudiced, but we agreed on this based on having seen those close to us do this not strangers. We might very well be wrong.

What puzzles me is, why do most couples seem to end up conforming to what society expects to see from a couple? For most it most probably occurs unconsciously but why does it happen? We as individuals have our own identities, the unique personality (as our genes :P) that makes us who we are.

When we start a relationship, yes we compromise and make allowances to mesh better with the other person, but some seem to lose their identity while trying to please their partner. Rather than being in a healthy relationship where both parties are interdependent, it ends up being one where both are dependent on each other to the extent that one person gets sick of the other. Taking the example of communication, why is it that one has to phone the other constantly during the day? Once is understandable, but up to 4-5 times is ridiculous! Is there no such thing as building up the excitement, the expectation, that at the end of the day if they both meet, they can relate all and have a good conversation? As I told my friend, I would rather not speak for a day or even a week with my boyfriend and have a good, long, meaningful conversation with him when we do meet!

Another thing that bothers me is, why when couples who are not living together, when they are conversing on the phone ask each other trivial things such as, “Have you eaten yet?” , “Did you sleep well?”… What can they do if the answer is negative? It has no purpose as they can’t change the situation! Is it because they have spoken to each other so often that there isn’t anything else except from trivial things to ask about?

In the media today and in our society itself, this stereotypical image of what couples should be is portrayed. Calling each other at all times of the day and night and living in each others pockets, having to spend inordinate amounts of time together are some of those behavioural “expectations”. I think when couples start off, most of the players starting as teenagers or young adults, they have this image of how they should both be as a couple, that is based on how couples they have thus far seen around them and mostly in popular media behave.

Oops erring to much on the negative side 😛 ! Coming back to better thoughts ;). To me, a romantic relationship should not define who we are, but rather who both of us are defines the relationship.(Complicated, yes but logical hehehe 🙂 )  With time I have realised that the mind,  rather than looks, is what appeals to me. So a person who has a strong sense of his own identity and does not lose it when entering a relationship is an worthy partner indeed! There are couples out there who are not like this, even around me! I would like to emulate those people, especially my parents 🙂 . I have seen how over the years they have had to accommodate each others different personalities and it took effort and compromise to reach where they are now, but its all worth it right? ^_^

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. srhrmle
    Jun 06, 2012 @ 00:42:06

    hey 🙂 nice one. well I think it is actually depends on how a person define a relationship. Calling a partner 24/7 just to check whether he/she is alright: ridiculous. Some of my friend’s BF tend to call my friend every minute just to ask what actually she’s doing and why she doesn’t reply the text right away. I wonder whether the BF are going to do the same thing when they get married or not. This does not apply to guys only and I’m sure some girls out there also done this to their BF. I don’t know why some people tend to feel insecure if the partner is not around them. As for me the key to a better relationship is trust and I believe if the couple trust each this is not going to be an issue. 🙂

    Reply

    • yashichan
      Jun 06, 2012 @ 01:13:58

      Thank you 🙂 I completely agree with you! Trust, respect and integrity is so important not only love 🙂 Oh I understand, do you know amongst one of my relatives, who is married, this still happened! Annoying right?! I mean I was annoyed just seeing her receiving calls from him but gosh she must have been even more tired of it at times :s Its true the thing about insecurity 🙂 ! There is also the fact that those who do that probably are emotionally unstable and need constant reassurance….

      Reply

  2. Luvnish
    Jun 06, 2012 @ 18:09:26

    Ive read that, if you force yourself to change to suit someone else, you will reach a point when you’ll get tired of acting against your nature. Sometimes, these situations arise after marriage.. and then you’ll hear the common line from the husband/wife: “you werent like that before!!”

    Another issue that I dont quite agree with, is how it is considered normal and acceptable to be jealous in a relationship. Maybe the media has a hand in this. Anyway, these are just my 2 cents.

    Reply

    • yashichan
      Jun 06, 2012 @ 19:50:27

      I agree! Its true the popular culture has changed the way many view relationships, which is unfortunate as they cannot make their own decisions about what should and should not be part of their relationship. Let’s hope there are wiser people out there 😉

      Reply

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